Pain Isn't Just Physical
by MergirlZ
Summary: How Artemis deals with the pain of facing her father and how Wally and Jade help try to help her deal with it. WARNING: self harm
1. Chapter 1

_A/N-Some of you may be put out to the writing style used in this chapter. I encourage you to read at least to the next chapter, because I used this somewhat hard to follow style for a reason. I change the style to a more traditional type next chapter._

It had been an hour. An hour in a room with her father. An hour of listening to insults and getting beat up. The team had finally come for her. She was curled in a ball when they arrived. When the door opened her father ran out and left her, on the floor broken and bleeding. He had done it many times before. Training had always been brutal, insults and bruises had been common, but it was a whole new level now that she was against him for real. This time he really meant it when he left. He meant every word he said. Every last word.

Wally was the first one to talk to her. He kneeled down on the floor and tried to stroke her cheek, but the second his skin brushed hers she stiffened and jerked up straight. Tear trails streaked down her mask, but were hidden with identical trails of sweat. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but she hid those by looking at the ground. Her body was sore from the struggle, but that really was nothing new. It was her spirit that had been hurt the worst, and if there was one thing she was good at hiding, it was how she felt. Pushing herself off of the ground she stood up and took a calming breath. Wally got up next to her, unsure if she would let him hold her. Some of the team had tried to follow Sportsmaster to try and get information from him, so only a few people were present when she walked out of the room. Artemis was so dazed that she didn't register who was there other than Wally.

She blindly followed the group until it joined with the other half and then followed it to the bioship. People had been asking her if she was okay. No, no she wasn't, but they couldn't know that. She nodded and said she was fine, just tired. She spent the ride to the cave trying not to think about what had happened. She yearned for her mind to just go blank and forget what happened, but it wouldn't. The words he had shouted, yelled, and whispered echoed in her mind and the bruises he had enforced pulsed with every heartbeat, a defiant reminder that his blood pulsed through her veins, forever tying the two of them together. She wanted to cry, but not here and not now. The team had to believe that she was tough. They had to believe she had come out unscathed, otherwise they would want to know. The would try to pry out what had happened and why it hurt her so bad, but they didn't need to know.

Her face was passive, she didn't respond to anything around her. The worried glances and concerned looks, nor the soft conversation going on to hide the tension didn't faze her. When the ship landed she strode of it towards her room with a brief declaration of getting some sleep to quell the unease surrounding the group. The hallway that stretched down to her room seemed to lengthen as she walked and the door seemed to take longer to open than it normally did, but her room was just as quiet as normally was.

Closing the door she let her emotions hit her full force. All of the humiliation, disappointment, and anger she felt towards herself came crashing down at once. She was drowning in her own emotions and desperately needed a lifeline. Her thoughts careened in her head as she approached her destination. The scorn she would get if her mother found out fighting against the relief it would provide, driving how far she would go. She shivered as the floor changed from the soft carpet to the unfeeling linoleum as she made her way towards the sink. She shed her gloves and reached into her quiver for an arrow. The metal tip glinted in the bright bathroom light. She felt tears slide down her face as her normally tan skin paled from the force of her makeshift blade. Her wrist stung softly as some part of her mind registered the new pain. She focused on it, let the pain consume her thoughts and destroy them. She let the numb feeling spread and ached for more nothingness. The world fell away and all she was aware of were the thoughts and the memories haunting her. She cried and let the sting of her wrist block out the pain.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N- This is my second chapter, it is written in a different style. Thanks to all who favorited and followed. Hope you enjoy!_

Wally had decided to take action. He needed to go check on Artemis. Multiple alarms were going off in his head about his girlfriend's well being. He felt bad enough for her being alone with no one to help her fight for an hour, but something had happened to her and he hadn't stopped it so he felt even worse about the situation. He knew that something occurred when he saw the look on her face after finding her. She had been broken, something that had kept her strong and defiant was in tatters. She hadn't wanted him to see it though. He knew when she put on a tough face and pushed him away like she didn't need help. She didn't know it, but he knew that she had been crying. He had known the second he had touched her cheek and felt the salty water soak through his gloves. When they arrived back at the cave he hadn't followed her back to her and remained distracted while with the rest of the team.

The look, the fearful desperate look, on her face stuck in his head. It was almost shameful the way she had looked, like she hadn't been good enough. He felt like it was his fault that she looked like that. It had only been ten minutes since they got back. He knew that something was wrong though. She seemed like she was about to do something stupid. Hiding her problems was stupid enough, but him not trying to find and fix the problem, well that was idiotic. Part of a relationship is talking and sharing feelings.

The team was currently discussing what they were having for Wally wasn't involved in the conversation. Dick had noticed and knew enough to guess why. He cocked his head towards the hallway that Artemis had gone down, obviously a signal that Wally should go check on his girlfriend. Nodding back the teen made up his mind and sped off to check up on his girlfriend.

He stood cautiously outside of her door. He knocked, twice. She didn't answer either time. Going on instinct he opened the door. "Artemis," he called out tentatively, "Arty?" The light in her room was off. The bed was empty. He was about to panic when he noticed that the bathroom light was on and the door was closed. Waking forward he stopped in front of the flimsy door. By now everything was screaming that something was wrong. He didn't knock, he had a feeling that if he did she wouldn't let him in. Pushing the door open he froze at the sight before him.

Her gloves rested on the counter, her quiver and bow on the floor, and her back was leaning up against the cabinet. Her wrists were bloodsoaked, her eyes tear stained, she looked up at him, nervous, scared, and shameful. He was shocked to say the least, but he was worried as well. It didn't seem normal to see that much blood come out of a body. Pushing that out of his mind he focused on calming her down. He could tell that she was afraid that he wouldn't want her, he could read her looks so easily right now. Her emotions just played across her face.

Squatting down he slid his arms around her shoulders. He felt her start crying again. She sobbed into his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his back and cried. He didn't care that blood was staining his jacket or that tears were slipping down his neck, all he wanted was for her to feel better.

"It's alright," he whispered to her softly in her ear, "I got you. I'm not going to leave you."

They stayed like that, Artemis crying and Wally whispering soft comforting words into her ear, for about five minutes. Wally was really beginning to worry about all of the blood.

"Arty," he whispered, "I'm going to clean you up now, ok?"

The blond archer nodded in response with her eyes closed. She was unwilling to see what she had done. She knew that if she saw the destruction she had caused it would make her want to start crying again. It would make her think about why she had done it, and she couldn't handle that right now. She let herself be led to a standing position by Wally. He wrapped an arm around her waist and, with his other hand, turned on the faucet.

Wally reached for Artemis's left hand and held it tenderly in his own, then he led her wrist under the flow of water. After a few seconds he pulled it out and reached over for a towel that was hanging on the wall. He then used the towel to softly dab and wipe at the remaining blood. He was just about finished when he heard a nearly silent knock on the doorframe. Looking up he saw Robin in civis.

The boy gave him a sympathetic smile and walked into the bathroom. He laid down a small medical kit on the counter then left. Wally was slightly shocked at his 'younger brother' for knowing what had happened, but was grateful that he did. He rested Artemis's hand on the counter then, with one hand, opened up the medical kit. He pulled out a disinfectant towelette package and opened it. Delicately he wiped at the surface of her skin until he felt satisfied that it was clean. He reached back into the medical kit and produced a small stack of gauze pads and a roll of gauze.

He lightly pressed the pads down onto the slices on her wrist and tenderly wrapped the gauze around it. Then he repeated the procedure on her other wrist while still supporting her with one arm.

When both of her arms had been bound he leaned down slightly and grabbed her legs, sweeping the girl into his arms bridal style. He carried her back into the bedroom part of her second dwelling and sat down, with her in his arms, on the bed. He started rocking her.

Artemis began to cry. She let herself lean into Wally and cry. She hated this, feeling so weak and unable to stop herself.

"It's alright babe, it's alright. I got you, I got you," Wally said softly as she sobbed into his shoulder.

Artemis gradually calmed down and Wally decided to find out what had happened. Calmly, he spoke to her, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She looked up into his emerald eyes and he could see all of pain in her grey ones and, in that one moment, he realized that his girlfriend had gone through lots more pain in her life than most adults go through in their entire life.

"I just-" she sobbed above a whisper and then buried her head into her boyfriend's shoulder. "Just hold me," she whimpered and he did.

He didn't ask any more questions, he didn't try to verbally comfort her, he just held her. He held her close and that was all she needed. He had no idea the emotions and thoughts going through her head. He didn't know how just being there for her was helping her. Even so a part of him sensed that he was doing the right thing.

The knock on the door anchored the two teens back in reality. Wally got up to open the door and found Robin, in civis, standing on the other side.

"We were going to watch a movie with dinner. Do you two want to join us?" the Boy Wonder asked.

Wally looked over at his girlfriend, basically saying that it was up to her. Artemis smiled slightly from her bed and nodded.

"I need to change first though," the girl stated softly when she looked down to see that she was still in uniform from the the mission.

Robin nodded and Wally looked over at his girlfriend, catching her eyes. He looked at her and the message was clear, ' _I can trust you on your own, right?'_

Artemis broke eye contact and held her head shamefully, then looked up and walked over to her dresser and pulled out some of clothes that she kept at the cave. Wally sighed and walked outside then closed the door. He looked over at the kid that he considered a younger brother, a question on his mind.

"No," Dick said quietly.

"No, what?" Wally asked, already partially knowing that it was the answer to his question.

"No, I've never cut," Dick said in the same voice.

"Can I just please see your wrist," Wally tried, but got a glare in response. "Dick please, I need to be sure."

The teen sighed. "Fine Wally," he said then pulled up his sleeves.

Wally reached out and ran his hand over the boy's skin. He didn't feel any lined scar tissue and all he could see was the normal abrasions that came from their line of work. Wally let go of the boy's wrist and the teen pulled his sleeves back down. While Dick was rearranging his jacket, Wally spoke.

"How did you know? I mean, how did y-"

Dick cut him off, "I live in Gotham Wally, I know what cutting looks like. I saw Artemis' wrists a while ago and just figured that after she was acting on the ship that it would be something she would do."

"If you knew then why didn't-" Wally began yelling softly at Dick, but was cut off by the opening of Artemis' door. She looked at Wally and he walked to the doorway and put his arm around her. The three of them then walked to the living area and kitchen part of the cave. Just before they entered the large cavern Robin walked close to Wally and whispered in his ear, "Because it wouldn't have mattered if I did, she still would have needed to do it."

The younger teen then smiled like nothing was wrong and went over to the couch to claim a good spot for the movie before the rest of the team finished filling their dinner plates. Artemis and Wally stayed close together, but eventually relaxed into the evening and mingled with the rest of the team.

The night ended with the group of teens splayed out in the living room watching the movie with bowls of popcorn in between. At around eleven at night the movie ended and the team disbanded to go to their rooms or go home.

 _A/N- I am not done yet. Cheshire soon to come!_


	3. Chapter 3

Wally couldn't take Artemis home because his parents had wanted him home at eleven, so he was already late. Dick however decided to tag along with her before he had to head out on patrol. He was doing it partially as a favor to his almost brother and partially because he wanted to talk to Artemis.

He zetead to Gotham a few seconds after she did. He walked out and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped slightly, but recovered quickly.

"Mind if I walk with you?" Dick asked in his slightly annoying manner.

"Won't Batman mind if you're late?" Artemis queried back, silently hoping the boy would walk with her.

"Nah, I don't have to be out until midnight. Besides, he can handle the small crimes without me," the ebony smiled at the end and started walking. Artemis caught up with him and the two fell in step. They spent most of the walk in silence. When they were about a block away from Artemis' apartment she spoke.

"Have you ever thought about it?" she said softly.

"Yeah, I used to think about alot, but I realized that it wouldn't do me any good. I'd still hurt on the inside. My pain, it just doesn't go away, I had to learn to live with it. I've seen kids who do it to try and make pain go away, others have done it to try and get their mind off of the pain, but it doesn't work for me. I would still cry and I would still hurt, but then I'd also have a mark to remind me of it and I just can't take seeing something like that everyday," Robin looked over at Artemis eyes. She had started crying silently.

Robin continued softly, "I know it's hard to stop, but stopping let's you forget the pain. You don't have to remind yourself of it, if anything you almost always feel it-"

"What if it's not pain, what if it's punishment," Artemis cut off, her voice heavy with tears.

Dick stopped walking and looked at her. Her head hung low, her eyes were filled with tears, and her hands were twisting around each other. Delicately, he put his hand on her shoulder.

"It's always pain. People hide it as everything else, but it's just pain," Dick said solemnly. He held her gaze, his shades locking with her eyes. Hidden behind the darkened lenses were Dick's blue eyes that held more agony than Artemis could understand.

Artemis looked down, breaking off his stare, and started walking again. Robin watched her for a few seconds and then started following. The rest of the trip was spent in silence.

Robin didn't go in the building with her, instead he veered over a couple streets and called the Batmobile. Once it arrived he took off his jackets and jeans, revealing his costume underneath. Once pressing on his mask he climbed up the building and leaped around until he found his mentor.

"You're late," the elder man growled.

"I was helping a friend, what did I miss?" the younger boy replied.

Bruce raised an eyebrow then spoke, "Two robberies and a possible gang war."

Dick nodded and then joined his partner in watching the streets below.

Artemis took a deep breath and used her jacket sleeve to wipe her eyes. She felt her bandages rub against the leather as she did and held back another wave of tears. Slowly she ascended the stairs to her apartment. Her breathing was still somewhat uneven when she reached the door to her apartment, but her mom shouldn't notice it. Before she went in plastered her fake smile on her face, the one she had learned to perfect over the years for various reasons. Slipping inside she threw a quick 'goodnight, I'm beat' to her mom and went to her room, where she found a surprise.

"What are you doing here?" Artemis hissed and tensed up.

"Calm down sis, I'm just here to check on you," the brown haired woman said in her controlled voice.

"For dad, so he knows how he did," Artemis replied disgustedly.

"No, I. I heard that you and dad ran into each other, I just wanted to know what he did and how you...reacted," Jade said looking quickly down to the other girl's wrists at the end and taking a step forward.

Artemis glared. "I don't want to talk," she said sassily.

"Fine by me sis, but at least let me look at your wrists."

"The're already bandaged," Artemis said quickly turning her back to her sister.

"Who-" the assassin started.

"Wally," the archer said shortly, reaching for her makeshift nightgown

"You told him?" the older girl said, shocked.

Before Artemis could retort the sound of a knock froze both girls where they stood.

"Artemis, who's in there with you," the sound of their mother's voice caused the girls to lock eyes.

"No one mom, just talking to myself," Artemis said, trying to dissuade her mom from entering.

The door opened and Paula Crock stepped into the room and looked to her daughters. "Jade, when did you get here?" the woman asked when her eyes landed on the dark haired girl.

"A little while ago," the girl evaded, "I just came here to talk to Artemis, get caught up and the like."

"Jade, are you hungry? I have leftovers if you want them," the older woman stated, suspicious as to why her elder daughter had really come home.

"Sure mom, I'll be there in a minute. I want to talk to Artemis a little while longer," Jade explained.

Artemis glared at her older sister, secretly wishing she would just go away. As their mom left Jade turned back towards her.

"Does she know?" the brown haired woman asked.

"Not about this time," Artemis responded softly, "She doesn't know about the mission today and I want to keep it that way." Her voice grew to become harder and louder at the end of her statement.

"Fine Sis," Jade replied flippantly, not really committing to her promise.

When Artemis finished changing back into her clothes, the two sisters walked into the tiny kitchen area of the apartment. Their mom had pulled out a container of what was left of that night's dinner and began to warm it up in the microwave.

"So, Jade, anything I can know about your whereabouts for the past month?" Paula began.

"Sorry mom, Code of Secrecy. You know how it is," Jade responded easily.

"Yes," Paula said, grimacing, "I know."

Jade caught the look on her moms face. "I did get to see the Eiffel Tower a few weeks ago though, it was a beautiful."

Paula smiled at her oldest, "Yes, Paris was always lovely. I went there for a few missions myself. I've always wanted to go back."

"Speaking of missions," Artemis butt-in, "Jade, didn't you tell me that you had to get back to yours." Artemis was glaring at her sister.

"Your right sis," Jade said, realizing that she wouldn't be able to talk to her mom with her sister listening, "sorry mom. I'll drop by before I leave town." The brunette walked over to her mom and kissed her on the cheek. "Love you mom," she said then turned to Artemis, "Love you sis."

"Love you," Artemis said forcefully.

The assassin strode over to the window and slid out of it. She headed up to the roof to wait.

Artemis went back to her room after her sister left. Curling up on her bed, she tried to think of something other than the day's events as she fell asleep.

After both girls had exited the kitchen, Paula wheeled over to the kitchen table to wait.

Once Jade was sure her sister was asleep, she slipped back down to the kitchen window and quietly went inside.

"Jade," her mom said after she had entered, "What's going on?"

Jade took a deep breath. "Artemis saw dad today."

Paula's lips hardened into a line and her eyes became steel.

"He tormented her from what I heard. She," Jade stuttered, "she hurt herself afterward."

"Why didn't she tell me," Paula said angrily while balling her fists.

"She didn't want you to worry. She didn't even tell me, I had to find out from Roy."

Paula looked up, her eyes meeting Jade's.

"Keep an eye on her, please mom," Jade begged, "I don't know how bad this one was, but I'm worried that _he_ got to her."

"I'll always keep an eye on her," Paula said, her voice filled with emotion. "Now tell me more about you and Roy..." Paula began, trying to catch up with her oldest's life.


	4. Chapter 4

She woke up. Her room surrounded her, the darkness nearly engulfing her like in the dream, except for the small amount of light the window let in. She took in an uneven breath that turned into a half-sob.

Her phone buzzed she looked up and over to her dresser. She reached over and grabbed the device while wiping away the leftover tears. Clicking the on button she couldn't help but smile a little bit. Wally's face was on the screen followed by a short text. _Goodnight,_ it read, _I love you. :-)._ she took in another breath then unlocked her phone. Going to the text she sent a reply.

 _Hey, are you still up?_

She waited a few seconds, then he responded.

 _Yeah, why do you ask?_

Her hands shook as she typed.

 _I need to talk to someone._

After a few seconds her phone screen lit up with Wally's face again, but this time it had two buttons, accept and decline. She hit the green one and held it up to her ear.

"Hey," she shuddered out.

"Hey," Wally said softly.

"I-" Artemis broke off, unsure of herself and everything she wanted. "Can you come over, I just-" she tried again and tried to suppress another half-sob with a breath. "I just-" this time she felt the tears running down her face.

"Give me two minutes, ok?" Wally said, the sound of his voice calming her down.

"Ok," she said softly and then hung up.

She waited and felt stupid and weak. She was just so weak, so tiny. _He_ had been right, she was just so-. Her thoughts stopped as she felt a brush of air and then a hand on playing lightly with her hair. She leaned into him, tears running down her face.

"What's wrong?" he whispered delicately, while wiping away a tear trail with his thumb.

"I had a dream," Artemis started then took a breath, "I was back in that room with _him_ and he was. He was talking to me, telling me I wasn't good enough. He, he said I was weak and useless. That the team only took me in because they were sorry for me and because they wanted my connections. That I. That I was just a tool to them. He said that no one would want me, that no one could ever-" she shivered and took a breath. "He said no one could ever love me, that you-" she sobbed and Wally held her close. He didn't push, he knew what she needed. He held his arms around her tight and pulled her in close.

"Babe, you mean everything to me and there is no way you could ever be useless. You are a strong, independent person who I love more than food, you are not weak, useless, or a tool. Babe, you are strong, you are beautiful, and I love you more than anything because of that, never forget that," he whispered in her ear and then kissed her cheek softly.

She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his torso and he pulled her down to where they were lying on the bed next to each other. After a couple of seconds she curled up into him and started crying again. She just wanted that voice in her head to disappear, the one that kept reminding her of all she couldn't do, and why she couldn't do it. Wally frowned and began running his hand down her spine.

After a while her sobs died down and she fell asleep in the one person's arms who could make her feel good.

 _A/N- That is the end._


End file.
